The reasoning behind...

I wanted to see what it would be like...

If I could finish...

How I would take it...

How others would take it...

I wanted to hurt... and be hurt...

I wanted to smile... and meet friends... (Which I did and will forever be grateful. THANK YOU)

I wanted to feel like giving up... to have those thoughts... those doubts... (and that moment came... and you know what... I kept putting one foot in front of the other... even when staying upright didn't feel like an option and word came down the line that if I didn't finish in 6 hours I wouldn't get a finishers medal)

I wanted to experience the back of the pack... and legitimately have a reason to be there.

I wanted to simply participate.

I wanted to smile and say thank you.

I wanted no expectations... I wanted nothing... but to get from here to there under my own power... without practice.

I wanted this to be entirely my race...

6 hours and 12 minutes... was the time it took for me to complete my very first marathon for which I purposely did not train.

This sounds crazy... and it is... mostly.... and I don't expect most to understand.... but sometimes you have to see what you are made out of. To try to undo all of your other instincts. To find that you can miss out on the experience if you are all wrapped up in the numbers and expectations.

I had an experience... and I enjoyed every moment of it... I'm not sure I would do it the same way again. But I wanted to know... how 26.2 really feels. And if it were possible...

Sure I'm walking a little funny today... But I get to tell people I finished... and when they ask for the time... I smile and tell them 6:12. (Most aren't expecting it... and the next question is why?)...but I am proud of my number.

Why do you chose to do what you do the way that you do it? Sure there are many reasons for all things... but it's a nice wake up call to find that you can run/walk/hobble a marathon and learn about the presidents at the same time.

I did nothing today....

I heard an interview on NPR awhile back. Some author was talking about the importance of making time to do nothing. (I think the book is called The Art of Doing Nothing.) How we are caught up with doing all these things... way to fast. With little time to stop, enjoy, even breath.

In a world where things happen with a click of a button. Instant transactions and instant gratification, things happening fast is just a reality. For many it seems the pause button has been lost... I however am not one of those people.

I'm convinced that I live and work on the other side of the continuum. I am slow, deliberate, and sometimes I can suffocate myself and others with my inaction.... I brew and stew. Thoughts clogging up my ability to reason. My mom said notably and very recently, that I need to get better at handling life. I am not a doer... (as one of my good friends calls herself.) I was the baby who waited 3 weeks past her due date to finally make an entrance to this world.

I am good when there are expectations. I don't get so lost in the choices. In fact I am a master at living up to and into expectations... even if I wait until the very last minute possible to start. Without them I am.... I can be....

The reality is: I need to get better at motivating MYSELF into action.

Seriously.

The difference between how I CHOSE to spend my time today and what the author is talking about:

is doing nothing with a purpose vs. doing nothing because of lack of self motivation.

Today I did nothing... and that isn't good enough.