I need you to know that I love you, and that my slience was/is selfish.
Fear of pain... not so much my own... but of yours... I never wanted you to hurt. ever. Another example of how protection may not always be the best case senerio.
Talking about it seems to make it real. Living through it once was enough... or so I thought. There is pain on all sides. Each profound... each life shattering... pick up the pieces... carefully... delicately... held together until the next impact.
I've learned that we are more the same then I ever thought possible. Which is strangely a comfort and altogether horrifiying. I wanted you to have it easier. Not have to fight so hard. To breath.... to think... to sleep.
I need you to know that I am here.
Please don't disappear on me...
I don't think I can do this alone.
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You told me more than I think you know. You didn't have to sit down and talk with me. You didn't have to send me letters. I saw... every once in awhile when you sat down... you'd have this look to you. I knew you wanted to say something. That was more than enough. Thank you. I love you Anna. I have faith in you.
I think you have control of our phone bills... so I don't think I will be leaving anytime soon.
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