Nerve Endings

As I sat squeezed in the backseat of a 1990 Civic Honda yesterday, between a co-worker and a car seat. My nerve endings seemed to be on fire. All I could help but think was this is the closest I've physically been to people in a long time.

I have a good friend who is doing his graduate work on touch. He and I have always been on the opposite sides of the touch continuum. He shakes his head in dismay when I describe how physical contact with other people makes me uncomfortable; from the typical handshake too the bumping up against someone in line. In my world touch is taboo.

And so I struggle with this phenomena... so critical to the development of both humans and primates. Why does it make me shudder to just say the word?

My grandma became a nurse back in the 50's when parenting guides told of refraining from "spoiling" your child. Don't pick it up when it cries. My mom says she wishes she would have held me more when I was a baby. Now the research says to hold your baby as much as possible... it will create a healthy relationship, and a very healthy attachment bond. Babies with less then that will struggle with attachment issues the rest of their life.

I don't know if I fall directly into the category of having an attachment disorder. But if my track record with relationships is any measure I would say that there maybe something in this to consider.

I struggled last summer with understanding how I found myself yet again in a place that I knew better then to go back to... and now I see that it may have been to find that so simple of human connections.

So simple and yet so powerful....